Slow and steady wins the race!

Anthony (left) and Jared (right)

Jared with Daddy's hand on his head
Jared with Daddy

Anthony - "so big"

Anthony with Momma

Thankfully, not many eventful days in the last week, but a few good changes. They both continue to gain weight regularly with Jared weighing in at 3 lbs 7 oz and Anthony weighing in at 3 lbs 9 oz.

The weight gain can mostly be attributed to their increase in feedings, Jared is at 28cc now and Anthony is at 30cc (30 cc = 1 oz). Jared is off of the pump for feedings now and is receiving bolus feedings just like Anthony. Bolus feedings are when they let the breast milk drain into their tummy through the tube as fast as gravity allows. Jared was receiving his via a pump that pushed his breast milk within a 30 minute time frame because he was having reflux regularly after his feedings. Bolus feedings take any where from 4-10 minutes depending on how relaxed the baby is. If the baby wiggles around during the feeding, it will cause his tummy to contract and not accept the milk as quickly.

The doctors have made some slight changes to the medications they receive also. They have discontinued their caffeine which was used to stimulate their heart to stimulate their breathing. The caffeine was used to help with their apnic spells and bradychardia. Since these spells have become less and less frequent, the doctors are trying to give the boys a chance to regulate their heart rate and breathing on their own.

They have also discontinued Jared's dosage of Zantac. A few weeks ago, Jared had traces of blood in his residual feedings so the doctors started him on a very small dose of Zantac and after the first day, the blood had disappeared. They continued the medication just to help with any reflux he may experience during feeding.

Anthony's hematocrit (red blood cell count) is on the low side. The doctors are trying to give his body a chance to produce the amount of red blood cells that he needs rather than giving him another blood transfusion right now. His low cell count is not causing him any problems (increased spells for example) so they are going to wait and see if he can bring it up on his own. In the meantime, they have adjusted his vitamins. Both boys were receiving a multi-vitamin that included iron but Dr. Schultz changed Anthony to a multi-vitamin without iron and added a separate iron supplement. This way, they can increase the amount of iron he receives without having to increase the other vitamins as well. Hopefully, this will give him a boost to help with the hematocrit level.

Both boys are continually having fewer and fewer spells and many times they are able to resolve them on their own, without any stimulation. This has been good news for Momma and Daddy's nerves! It is funny, the nurses and doctors have told us all along that they will begin to grow out of their spells. You don't believe it until you see if for yourself. While the spells are not completely gone, it is reassuring to see them become less frequent.

There was talk about possibly introducing a bottle to them today, but the doctor decided to hold off a little longer. According to the nurses, the nipple is usually introduced around 34 weeks, so it should be any day now. I really want to be there for the first time, so I plan on asking the nurse every day to make sure they wait until I can get there to try it out.

It is possible that when they decide to introduce the nipple to them they may totally understand what to do, they may not have any idea what to do, or one may and one may not. It is also common that they begin doing well and then have a setback with nippling feeds. It is so much for a small baby to coordinate: suck, swallow and breathe all at once. These two little babies have been through so much already, I think we should give them a little break and let them take their time on learning something new. Only a few short weeks ago they had to learn to breathe!!

Great news! This week both Grandmas have been able to hold both boys now and Grandpa (Jason's Dad) was able to hold each of them also. It was such a proud moment for each of them...I think the Grandparents liked it too!

Their room is still coming together, slowly but surely. I have put the bedding on their cribs and have begun trying to put things away. I am kind of at a loss as to where to put things. Which drawer should the diapers go in? Blankies? Socks? decisions...decisions. I am sure I will figure it out...eventually.

Jason and I are doing better still day by day. The truth is, we are so lucky to have each other through all of this. We both try so hard to be strong for one another because you never know when you might be the one needing a shoulder to cry on (usually I'm the one crying.) We have found an unprecedented amount of strength through God and our marriage, I am so thankful for him each and every day that passes.

We are also so lucky to have each of you. Thank you again for all of your thoughts and prayers - I thank God for each of you every night.

Fight On! Little Fighters! - Love Momma

3 Pound Babies! False Alarm on the Hernias

I know many of you have been antsy the last couple of weeks because the frequency of our posts has slowed down. For that we apologize, but we hope you all understand that the reduction of posts is indicative of the boys' positive progress. While I hate to be repetitive, no news is good news, so thank you for your patience between updates, and thank you so much for your support and prayers.

As you can tell from the title of this post, both boys now tip the scales at over 3lbs. Anthony checked in tonight at 3lbs. 5oz. and Jared weighed in at 3lbs. 2oz. Breaking that down into NICU-speak, both boys are tipping the scales between 1450 and 1500 grams. The magic number to get out of the isolettes (incubators) is 1800 grams which is roughly four pounds.

The steady weight gain is a result of the large amount (relatively) of food the boys are eating. Jared is currently up to 25cc and Anthony is up to 27cc. Both boys continue to eat via a tube that goes through the mouth and into the stomach. Anthony is fed via a syringe that uses gravity to get the food into his belly. This is called "bolus" feeding. Jared on the other hand, is still using the pump set over 30 minutes to get his food. In speaking with Jared's nurse tonight, they may try to move him over to bolus feedings tomorrow. Nurse Kim asked Dr. Rehan tonight if she could try to bolus feed Jared, but the doctor was reluctant because he wanted to give him a chance to adjust to his increased feeds. Both boys have had their feeds increased by roughly 4cc over the last week, which relative to the total amount of food they are eating is significant.

On the breathing front, both boys are doing superbly. As we have noted along this whole journey, the apnic spells and spells of bradycardia (decreased heart rate) are common and expected. Nonetheless, Anthony has gone several days without one of these spells. The same goes for Jared. According to Nurse Hilda, Jared has not had an apnic or "brady" spell since Wednesday. That is quite a feat for Jared considering he was intubated just four short weeks ago. Also keep in mind that the boys will grow out of these spells completely. We were told at the beginning that the spells are common until about 34 weeks gestational age. On this upcoming Wednesday the boys will be 33 weeks gestational age. 34 weeks is sort of a milestone because the spells should subside, but also because the boys can hopefully start nippling.

Nippling is the NICU term for eating food via a bottle or an actual nipple. For those of you confused, that would be Momma's nipple. Though Daddy does have nipples he cannot be milked. Now that we've cleared that up, we are excited for the boys to get a chance to nipple their feeds. Momma is anxious, but as with everything else we are confident the boys will let us know when they are ready.

This week's less positive news came via a diagnosis that Jared may have had an ingunial hernia. As with just about everything you've heard thus far, this sort of thing is common with preemies of the boys' gestational age. Here's what a inguinal hernia is: in the womb the sex organs develop. Early in development the organs are simply present and will eventually become testicles for males or ovaries for females.

When male babies are in the womb the testicles will not descend into the scrotum until later in the pregnancy. Sometimes they won't descend until well after birth. In any event, the testicles descend through the inguinal canal into the scrotum. Normally, once the testicles descend the canal closes up, though sometimes these openings can remain well into adulthood. In premature babies this canal often remains open, kind of like the ductus arterious (PDA). When this occurs sometimes a portion of the fatty material surrounding the small intestine or even a small portion of the intestine itself can protrude (herniate) through the opening. This is the same sort of thing that happens in male adults who get hernias. If you've had a hernia as a male adult chances are once your testicles descended, your inguinal canal remained open.

So, how do we fix this? We fix it just like we do in adults; surgery. Now to the good news: at first the doctors thought Jared had a hernia. The doctors thought Anthony may have had one too. Earlier this week Dr. Hicks was back on and was alerted to the possiblilty. Upon hearing this news he immediately ordered an ultrasound on both boys to confirm the presence of any hernias. Thankfully, neither boy has a hernia. We then asked why their little balls appeared to be swollen. Dr. Hicks explained to us that the reason they were swollen was due to hydrocele, which is just an accumulation of fluid around the testicles; again a common occurrence in preemies, and even adult men.

Over time the fluid should absorb back into the body (like the brain bleeds) and the boys will have normal twigs and berries, just like the rest of us. But, because there isn't a hernia now, doesn't mean one cannot or will not develop. The NICU staff will watch carefully for any growth (hernia growth, that is) in that region. Even if a hernia does develop though, surgery will not happen until they are almost ready to go home, or even after they go home. Hernias are not usually painful, and provided they don't cause complications can be dealt with in time.

So now that the boys' testicles have been discussed at length, we can move on to some other news. The nursery furniture was delivered this weekend much to Momma's delight. Contractor Mark came Thursday to install a chair rail, and crown moulding. Mark is the brother of Nurse Michelle in Labor & Delivery at St. Jude, who Daddy has known since they were Conflict Manager partners in 4th grade. Mark did an amazing job, and even more amazing it was cheap. He will be back to crown mould the rest of the house soon hopefully.

Anyway, the furniture arrived and was placed in the room. The only thing left to do now is have Cousin Tori come over and paint a mural on the wall for us. The theme is monkeys so we are hopeful she can paint a tree or something along those lines. Tori is an exceptional artist and we are confident she will create something amazing. In the meantime though we need to stock the room with the literal mountains of stuff in our dining room and office. Again, thank you to everyone for your generous gifts! Eventually we'd like to stock the nursery with two little boys, but that time will come soon enough.

On that note, many of you have been asking when the boys will come home. The short answer is that we don't know. At the beginning we were told at least until term, which would be around April 14. That isn't to say they won't come home earlier, but unless you hear from us otherwise expect mid-April. Many have also asked if they need to reach five pounds to come home. The answer to that is no as well.

Here are the criteria for discharge: 1) no apnic/brady spells, 2) steady weight gain over a period of weeks, 3) nippling of all food without complication, and 4) the ability to regulate their own body temperature outside the isolette. So as you can see, there is no magic number for weight. It was that way in the old days, but not anymore. That being said, we would expect them to be around 5 pounds around discharge.

So, that's the news over the last few days or so. Things are definitely looking up, but Danielle and I are still nervous. Though they have been doing well, they are still "25 Weekers" and have a long road ahead. Their lives are fragile, and we are ever mindful of that. We are hopeful and remain positive, but still keep grounded with the experiences we have had so far on this arduous journey through the NICU.

The days have become easier to deal with as time goes by, and our outlook and attitude has changed in the last couple of weeks with the boys' positive progress. But, the days are still hard. We still go to bed every night and wake up every day with our boys in the NICU. Daddy still trods off to work and leaves Momma at home alone. Well not totally, since big brother Schnitzel is there. Yet, our lives still revolve around trips to the hospital. Though our lives would never have been "normal" again after the birth of children we long for the opportunity to be "normal" new parents someday.

Everyday that starts to become a reality. We are increasingly doing more and more for the boys at the hospital, as evidenced by Daddy getting pooped on, etc. Yet, we still have an overwhelming guilt because we can't be our children's primary care givers. We love them immensely and want to do all that we can for them. We are well aware of the fact that we can't due to the their medical conditions, but it is still a tough pill to swallow given the way Danielle and I were raised.

We were raised that the consequences of our choices are ours, and ours alone. When we make a decision we were taught that it is our responsibility to bear the cross of that decision. So, it is difficult for us to leave our children in the constant charge of someone else. This isn't because we don't trust the NICU staff, but because Jared and Anthony are our children, our responsibility. But, we are at peace because we know our path has been set by God.

Our faith has told us for years that we need to let go and let God guide us. When you think about that concept it is hard, because God created us to be fiercely independent. We want to be in control and take care of everything. So many times the lesson smacks us in the face that as much was we want to, we cannot control everything. Where we cannot control life, or aren't allowed to control life, God takes control, and that is an amazing thing that allows us to be at peace with our boys in the NICU.

God is in control. He was in control on January 5. He has been in control since. Maybe he hasn't been in direct control the whole time, but we know he has been working through us, and through the wonderful doctors and nurses in the NICU.

For that we are grateful.

Fight On, Little Fighters!- Love Daddy

Small Changes and Steady Progress

Both boys are still doing well and we have a few changes to report.

Anthony weighs 3 lbs 2 oz. now and Jared weighs 2 lbs. 14 oz. I think we may be embarking on the growth spurt Dr. Kamran mentioned last week. Obvious by their weight gain, they are tolerating their feedings still and in fact, both have been increased in the last few days. Jared is now eating 22 cc every three hours and Anthony is eating 24 cc every three hours (to keep this in perspective 30 cc = 1 oz.).

On Sunday, Jared's nurse noticed a trace of blood in his residual breast milk that she removed prior to one of his feedings. She brought this to the attention of the doctor on duty and he prescribed Zantac once every 12 hours. Zantac is usually prescribed for ulcer related issues, which scared me at the time, however, they do not think Jared has any type of ulcer. After speaking with Dr. Kamran tonight, he assured us that this blood is quite common and can be commonly caused by irritation to the mucus lining of the throat and/or stomach by the insertion and removal of his feeding tube. The Zantac helps prevent the acid from attacking the irritated areas and allows them to heal.

Jared has also been diagnosed with an inguinal hernia. According to Dr. Kamran, this is just one more issue common in premature babies. His hernia is very slight and is barely noticeable and sometimes is not visible at all. Dr. Kamran's plan is to keep an eye on it during the evaluations each day and if it is still occurring closer to the time that they go home, we will have a consultation with a pediatric surgeon at CHOC to discuss the course of action for him.

Both boys had their follow up eye exam today, and both did very well. Jared sucked on his pacifier the entire time, without a peep. The opthamologist said both are still looking good and he will schedule another follow up appointment in a week. So far, there is no sign of anything but prematurity, and let's pray this is the way it stays.

Other than these minor issues (hopefully) both boys are stable and are focusing on eating, pooping, sleeping, pooping on things and pooping us. Yes, that is right...there is a lot of poop between these two and no nurse or parent is safe from it!

We are able to hold them almost every time we visit now. I never thought the day would come when I could hold both of them at my desire. I get so excited to visit just for the chance to sit in the same chair (often until my butt goes numb) rocking and holding our boys. Even if they don't open their eyes to see me, I know that they know I am there for them. I just wish it could be all day everyday, although I am sure that day will come.

Jason surprised me with the cutest Valentine's Day gift from Jared and Anthony. When we went to visit them on Sunday they were both wearing white onesies with "Momma, will you be my valentine?" painted in red by Auntie Kellie. It was such a cute idea and so thoughtful of him. In fact, I think he won all of the nurses over. Everyone came over to tell me what a wonderful husband he was and how sweet it was for him to do that (as if I really needed someone to tell me this). So many Valentines, so little time: Jason, Jared, Anthony and Schnitzel. I love all of my boys! XOXO

Later that night, Jason and I went out to a nice dinner and stayed at the Island Hotel in Newport Beach. We stayed there the night of our wedding, so it was very special to us. Jason planned it all and felt that since our family has come full circle, it would be nice to visit where it all started when we got married. It was very nice to do something "normal." We don't usually do much to celebrate Valentine's Day, but since our free time is now spent in the NICU, we both appreciated the change of scenery but were missing the boys at the same time.

Both my mom and Jason's mom were able to hold Jared this weekend. Both of them cried and were so excited to hold him for the first time. He was happy as a clam in their arms and it was so precious to see the instant love. Anthony won't be left out, as I'm sure he will be next for each of them!

The nursery is almost finished. Auntie Kellie came today and helped me paint the crown moulding and the chair rail that will be installed tomorrow. Then, the furniture will be delivered on Saturday and all I have to do is put everything away (no small task!). I was so eager to get a plan for the nursery, I spent countless hours online looking for ideas and the perfect theme for our boys. After I decided on monkeys (brown and green color scheme), I was anxious to get the room done and ready for them, but they had different plans for me. I am starting to feel better about our progress and am getting nervous, anxious, excited, scared, happy and relieved to think that one day they will come home for the first time.

Jason and I attended a CPR class last night, although it was long, it wasn't quite as boring as Jason thought it would be. The instructor taught us a lot about prevention of dangers and so many things that, as first time parents, we hadn't thought of. They covered topics also unrelated to CPR that were very informative and helpful. I would definitely recommend a class like that to all parents and/or family members, no matter how many children you have.

Update on me: Jason and I went to visit Dr. Gray on Friday and all is looking good. Other than my stomach muscles still being sore and tender from the C-section, everything is healing well. He said that my abs may be sore for several more weeks and it may take me a while to be able to build up strength to get back to my normal activity level.

Thank you again, to all who follow this blog. We deeply appreciate your love and support. I often tell the boys how much they are loved, even by people they may never meet. One day they will understand.

Fight On! Little Fighters!! - Love Momma

Boys Doing Great, New Pictures!

Daddy With His Boys

My Beautiful Wife and My Beautiful Boys

Family Pic!

Jared (Left) & Anthony (Right)

There isn't much to report today. The boys are doing very well. They are eating, sleeping, and pooping. So they are basically doing what normal babies should be doing.

Both boys had labs today and everything was normal, with the exception of the red blood cell count. Both boys have lower counts than the doctors would like to see, but this doesn't seem to be affecting them at all. Dr. Hicks tells us that they will follow up Monday with another test, and then make the determination of whether to transfuse again. Provided the low count is still not bothering the boys, the doctors will probably let them ride it out. It is important for their bodies to get used to producing red blood cells, and letting them go it alone helps stimulate that production.

On the weight front, Jared is checking in at 2lbs. 9.8oz and Anthony tips the scales at 2lbs. 12.4oz. It looks as if they are both well on their way to the 3lb. mark. Jared's feeds have been increased to 20cc while Anthony is holding steady at 21cc. We don't have any word on when that will increase, so stay tuned.

I was very excited last night to be able to Kangaroo both of my little boys at the same time. It was an incredible experience. To feel their little bodies on mine was so touching. I could feel their little heart beats and feel their little chests move as they were breathing. They were like little angels, and I loved watching them cozy up and fall asleep. When they are together their bond as twins really shines.

Anthony was added to the party after Jared and didn't like being away from his brother. Every time I tried to separate them on my chest Anthony would fuss and move himself so that he was touching Jared. He was so adamant about it he placed his head in a position that made it difficult for him to breathe a couple of times. Finally, I relented and we found a position that Anthony could rest his head on Jared and still breathe. Once nuzzled together the boys conked out. Daddy cried. So did Momma.

So that's the news for today. Today is a good day so far. Tomorrow is a new day, but we are confident it will be better than the rest. Keep praying for our little boys!

Fight On, Little Fighters!- Love Daddy

Boys Move to the Other Side of the Tracks

Over the last few days the boys have been doing great. As of today they are 31-weekers! Anthony is topping the scales at 2lbs. 10oz. and Jared is holding firm at 2lbs. 7oz. As we've noted ad nauseam no news is good news. In any event there are still some significant developments to report.

Since being admitted to the NICU the boys have been on one side of the unit. There are two sides, one for "really sick babies" and the other for "stable babies." As of Saturday night our boys have been placed on the "stable" side, which means the main goal at this point is to eat, sleep, poop (at which they are adept, trust me), and grow. According to the doctors the main concern at this point is growth, and perhapas most importantly infection.

We aren't sure if the move is entirely out of confidence, because we like to joke that the only reason they were moved is because they aren't as bad off as the several new arrivals that have shown up over the last week. In fact, last Saturday night the boys were flying solo in the NICU. When we returned the next morning three new babies were admitted along with a set of twins. As of now there are seven babies in the NICU, so needless to say it got busy in a hurry.

While it has only been five weeks, it seems like years. Our boys are the senior members now in the NICU. But, maybe for the first time since they've been there, they aren't the sickest. In fact, just a day or so ago a brand new 26-week preemie was admitted. Seeing him was sort of sad but also brought a sense of relief to know that we are past that early, horrible, scary stage. The new baby is on the light therapy, and seeing that blue tinge of light stirs up lots of emotion for us. Time has lagged, but at the same time it has flown. It seems now that the doctors are moving on a "week to week" basis, but Danielle and I are still taking things one day at a time.

So you may be wondering about the PDA and the brain bleeds. The story from the doctors is that neither seem to be negatively affecting the boys so they will simply be monitored and determinations will be made at a later date. As you may recall Jared's ductus was closed according to his last echocardiagram. Still, it could reopen at a later date, and could have already since the doctors and nurses have continually heard a heart murmur. A heart murmur is still heard with Anthony too, but like Jared he doesn't seem to be affected by it.

According to Dr. Kamran they will both be given an "echo" before discharge. If there is no PDA then great. If there is PDA then the boys will be referred to the cardiologists at CHOC for a determination on what to do. The good news is that even if the PDA is significant, the boys are out of the surgery red zone. Instead, a catheter with a coil on the end would be inserted into a large blood vessel, woven up to the heart, and the coil would be placed into the ductus permanently closing it. Of course this is far less invasive, and dangerous than the ligation surgery which appeared to be a near certainty a few short weeks ago.

As for the brain bleeds the last round of ultrasounds show that on both boys the bleeds are still there, and still Grade 1. The best news is that they have not enlarged in any respect. What this means is that there is no further treatment needed in the NICU. In fact, they will not be given any further ultrasounds before they leave. Grade 1 bleeds usually take care of themselves without any intervention, and because they haven't gotten bigger, and are not harming the boys now, there is no reason to worry about them. The only concern now is the effect the bleeds will have on future development.

Though remote, there is a chance that the bleeds could have an effect on future development; i.e. learning, etc. But, this will be monitored closely throughout the first two years of their lives. Nurse Imelda (NICU Clinical Coordinator) gave us paperwork and information about the Developmental Clinic at CHOC. She recommended that we participate once the boys go home. The clinic will monitor their development and track their progress both for their health and for study. Danielle and I think that is a good thing and will certainly participate.

On a very positive note, Momma got to hold both of her little monkeys at the same time. This time though she got to "Kangaroo Care" them. Kangaroo care normally occurs right after birth when the little naked baby is placed skin to skin on Momma's chest. The idea is that the skin to skin contact promotes bonding, helps soothe the baby, and promotes breast feeding for the baby. While on Momma's skin the babies can feel her heart beat, and her body heat keeps them warm. After spending the time on Momma the boys in theory should sleep better and be more calm.

So, the other night Nurse Cindy took out our little boys, stipped off the preemie clothes they are now allowed to wear, and placed them on Momma's bare chest. It was so amazing to see how relaxed and comfy they were. They slept like rocks after too. It was amazing to see the bond the boys had for each other too. The first thing Anthony did was snuggle up as close as he could to Jared's back. He tucked his head down and placed his face right on the back of Jared's shoulder. All Daddy could do is take pictures and cry.

If we can find some pictures without all of Momma's goods showing we will try to post a picture or two because the sight was just so precious and amazing! Don't worry Daddy fans, I am allowed to Kangaroo Care too, but I let Momma do it first because she missed that chance at birth.

So, that is the story the last couple of days. Hopefully that is the story over the next few days, with the exception of more weight gain (Dr. Kamran says to expect a growth spurt any day now). Though things are looking up, we are still guarded and in need of your thoughts and prayers. So don't stop!

Please also pray for Uncle Scott Krukow and his family. We were shocked and saddened to learn that Scott's dad, Walt, suddenly and unexpectedly passed away on Monday night. He was a great father, husband, and all around great man. I have nothing but fond memories of him and will forever. I am so happy that one day I can teach my boys to play cribbage, and it will give me an opportunity to tell a story about Walt, who helped teach me to play, and who I played with often (usually teaming up to beat the pants off Uncle Scott and John!). So, please pray for Scott's family as we have, and ask that God guide them through this tough and trying time.

We love you and the boys love you Krukow Family!

Fight On, Little Fighters!- Love Daddy

Everyone Poops - this time on Daddy!

Jared looking for Momma's voice

Daddy holding Jared and giving him his pacifier
Anthony snuggled up with Momma

Anthony sucking his thumb

Yes, that is right - Jason was the first one to get peed on and now...pooped on! Anthony pooped while Jason was changing his diaper last night, all over his hand. Jason didn't even notice, until I pointed it out. I guess the boys don't like to keep all of the fun for the nurses! :)

Still good days for the boys recently - mostly they have to worry about growing now. There is still a chance for issues to arise, but the main concern is an overall trend of weight gain.

Last night, Jared and Anthony had the NICU to themselves (I am not sure how much extra they charge for a private suite) but then today when I walked in, there was 3 new babies. Not sure their stories, but I think the boys like having friends around.

Both boys are still off of all breathing machines and doing well breathing on their own. They are both able to wear clothes now, so I was very happy to do laundry and bring in outfits for them both. Since they are off of the breathing machines, they are a little more mobile, which means we get to hold them a little more often now. I was able to hold both at the same time. I was hoping this way I could compare them to see how similar they look, but no luck. I really needed to hold them right next to each other and because of their monitors and cords, they couldn't reach. Since Jared has been gaining weight, he is starting to look more like Anthony but we still cannot tell who they look like...Momma or Daddy.

Last night was my first experience with Koala Care (skin to skin contact). Usually right after a baby is born, they are placed on the mom's chest. This contact promotes bonding as the baby lies right on the mom's heart. This type of contact has also been linked to encouraging milk production. At any rate, I was able to hold Anthony this way. It was so amazing. He felt so tiny, but yet fit so perfectly on me as if he was meant to be there the whole time...I didn't want to let him go. His nurse fed him while I was holding him, which led to a warm surprise (spit up) down my tummy...yum! I am hoping to hold Jared this way very soon - it all depends who his nurses are.

Jared has been having spells that seem to be correlating with his feedings rather than respiratory issues. The doctors and nurses have made a few adjustments to his feedings over the last few days that may be causing these spells and some adjustments that may alleviate them. He is now on a multi-vitamin and a breast milk fortifier just like Anthony and today they increased his feedings to 19cc every 3 hours. They also switched Jared to pump to administer his food over a 45 minute time period. He is responding well and is up to 2 lbs. 7 oz. now. They did a lab work up on him and all is well with the exception of a low sodium level, which they are fixing with a sodium supplement. Other than that, all is coming back normal on his testing and he is doing well. He does have his occasional spell, but he always responds to stimulation.

Anthony is still eating well and all of his nurses (and Daddy) report that he is pooping well also. He is holding at 21cc each feeding and still weighs 2 lbs. 8 oz. On his last lab work up, all levels were within normal range with the exception of a low hematocrit. The doctor did not order a blood transfusion yet, he wants to give Anthony a chance to make the red blood cells on his own first and will retest in a few days.

Both boys had a repeat head ultrasound on Friday as part of a routine one month old check up. We haven't had a detailed explanation from any of the doctors yet, but the overall result is that neither of their bleeds have gotten any worse. Praise God for this! We are praying that there will be no long term damage from the bleeds that they have, Grade 1 bleeds usually don't.

On Friday, both boys celebrated their one month birthday! It was a very exciting day. I explained to each of them that their first month has not been so great, but I promised they all wouldn't be like this and they will have some great months ahead. I explain to them quite often how many people are loving them from a distance and praying for them to grow big and strong.

I have started reading a bedtime story to them every night when we visit. I thought this would be a good tradition and that they will be able to recognize my voice the more I talk to them. I received books from the Krukows as part of my shower gift and a few years back, my Grandma Carol bought me two Golden Books, one of which she used to read to me as a child. I have chosen a different book every night since I have started...not sure which one is their favorite!

They are a lot more active and alert these days. When they are awake they have their eyes wide open looking around and following your voice. They have started to fuss and cry more frequently, often around feeding time. They are already like their Daddy...getting cranky when he's hungry...or maybe that is just a male thing!

They are scheduled for their first eye exam on Tuesday. There will most likely not be any type of "result" the eye doctor will want to see them in another two weeks for a follow up.

Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers for our family during this time. A few more good days behind us, hopefully good days ahead. We appreciate your continued support and love.

Fight On! Little Fighters!! - Love Momma

Jared on Room Air, Anthony Cruising

Thankfully, the last few days have been very stable for the boys.

As we noted yesterday, Anthony is free of all breathing machines and oxygen. He is doing 100% of his breathing and not receiving any oxygen supplement. I hate to mention it for fear of a jinx, but he hasn't had any major apnic spells since being removed from the CPAP. The plan for him is to keep eating and getting bigger, which he has in the last couple of days. Last night we found out that in 24 hours Anthony gained 60 grams, which is roughly 2 ounces. He is now tipping the scales at 2lbs. 8oz. So big in fact, that he is up to the next size diaper and gets to wear "clothes."

When we came in last night Anthony had a "shirt" on. It looks more like a vest and latches together with Velcro. He can't be totally outfitted yet because the nurses may still need to give him quick attention and can't be bothered with undressing him. But, it is good for us to see him all snugged up and somewhat dressed. More and more he's starting to look like a "normal" baby and that excites Momma and Daddy.

Jared is now off of all breathing machines. At 11am today he was put on room air with no oxygen assistance. This is a trial run for Jared to see how he does. His apnic episodes have decreased tremendously, so the doctors feel we may as well give him a chance. Of course he's had a rougher time than his brother, having been intubated just a little over a week ago. However, Dr. Patel and the nursing staff are now confident that he is strong enough to go it alone. We are a bit nervous, but have faith in the NICU medical staff. There isn't too much to worry about though because help is always standing by if he tires out.

Jared is on full feeds now and is off all I.V. fluids. His PICC line has been removed too. Full feeds are considered 15cc or greater. He is up to 17cc and will stay there at least for today. His last two feeds have resulted in residuals of about 4cc which is too much for comfort. Late last night his feeds began to be administered via an automatic pump. When Anthony was having trouble with feeding the switch to the pump really helped and he hasn't looked back. So we are hoping the same thing occurs with Jared. As one doctor noted last night, "What's usually good for one is usually good for the other." I guess that's the deal when you have twins.

Jared gained 4o grams from his last weigh-in. He now weighs approximately 2lbs. 6oz., so he too is well on his way. His numbers look good this morning, which is a direct result of the blood transfusion he had yesterday. Provided he stays stable today, there will be no further tests on him. We like that.

We were lucky last night to have Dr. Hicks back in the NICU. Dr. Hicks was the neonatalogist on the day the boys were born. We immediately liked Dr. Hicks and were fortunate to have him. Not only is he a "neo" but also a pulmonologist (lung doctor). Having him around right after birth was a blessing, because the most important thing preemies need to do first is breathe.

Dr. Hicks had been gone on vacation for the past few weeks but last night he was back and paid us a visit. He only had the best things to say about the boys. He was very pleased with their progress and informed us that the biggest worry at this point is infection.

Neurologically Dr. Hicks tells us that boys are looking "great." He said while there are no guarantees with a Grade 1 bleed on the brain, he is confident it won't be an issue for our boys, which is right in line with 90+% of all babies with that level of bleed. Apparently the doctors won't even scan the brain again for another couple of weeks. There really isn't any need for intervention at this point since Grade 1 bleeds almost always take care of themselves. We like that too.

We were also told that hopefully the NICU rollercoaster will slow somewhat for us. Dr. Hicks told us that generally the first couple of weeks are the hardest and after that things should slow down. We really, really like that.

One of the great things about Dr. Hicks is that everytime we have seen him he has always made it a point to stop and ask us, "How are you two doing?" Many doctors are what I call, "clinical." Their job is medicine and anything else is just fluff. Danielle and I really feel like Dr. Hicks is sympathetic to our situation, and that he isn't just doing his job but helping keep our family in one piece. That isn't to say we don't love all of the doctors in the NICU. They are all amazing and have been amazing with us. They each have their own charm, and we love each of them for different reasons. I think we're attached to Dr. Hicks more though because he was there on January 5. His name is the one on our little security bracelets from the hospital, and I'm sure his name and face is one we'll never forget.

While Danielle and I are hopeful about the optimism, we are still guarded. We know that things can turn in the blink of an eye in the NICU. I don't think we will be totally comfortable until they are home with us. But, each day things seem to be getting a little better and a little easier.

But, like we've said from Day 1: today is a good day, but tomorrow is a new one. Let's hope tomorrow is always better.

Fight On, Little Fighters!- Love Daddy

Momma and Daddy get to hold the boys again!

Jared snug as a bug

The four of us (Jared in the background in his isolette)

Daddy holding Jared
Anthony while Momma is holding him

Anthony with no CPAP

Daddy giving Anthony his pacifier

Every two weeks the nurses change out their isolettes with clean ones, this is when Jason and I are most helpful. We offer to hold the boys (of course just to help the nurses out) while they maneuver the bedding around. Last night was the night - Jason held Jared and I held Anthony. It was just as amazing and touching as the first time we held them in our arms just two weeks ago. I cried...again.

Jared is still doing very well on his feeding and is up to 16 ccs as of this morning. Yesterday, Dr. Kamran, changed his schedule to a 2 line protocol (increasing the amount after every second feeding) in order to get him to full feedings more quickly. He has been tolerating this very well and has advanced as planned. Hopefully they will remove the PICC line and discontinue IV fluids today. As we have explained before, the PICC line is just another possible site for infection (which we don't want) so it is best to remove it as soon as possible.

Both boys have lost about 10 grams in the last few days. So far there is no cause for concern unless this becomes a trend. The nurses say that it is common for them to lose a little bit of weight here and there, mostly because of how much and how often they are pooping now. It never fails, everytime we are in there...one of them poops. Last night, Anthony's nurse was getting ready to change his bed and thought that she should check his diaper first. Sure enough, it was poopy. As she was changing it and began to remove the dirty diaper, he pooped again! We all started laughing, but thank goodness she has quick reflexes!

I was pleasantly surprised yesterday afternoon when I walked into the NICU and found Anthony breathing room air on his own. No CPAP, no nasal cannula...just plain old breathing. So, I started to cry. He has been without any type of oxygen supplement since 11 AM yesterday, and as of 8 AM today, is still doing well. The doctor can't say that he will stay this way, so there is a nasal cannula standing by, but for now it is great that he is doing well on his own.

I almost gave Jason a heart attack. When I saw Anthony, I had to call him right away. Note to self: Don't call your husband from the NICU crying ever again! (Daddy's Editorial Note: She's not kidding! I almost died when she called me!)

I can hardly believe that they are four weeks old today! It is amazing how slowly time flies by. Jason and I often talk about how it seems that these weeks have come and gone so quickly, but how it also seems like a year has passed because all of the days have been running together for us. At any rate, Friday they will be one month old - I kind of want to make party hats for them and bake them a cake!

Last night, the NICU admitted another set of twins (that makes three now!). All of the singleton babies have been discharged and the twins stand alone. Both of the other sets are much older and even the ones born last night are more advanced than our boys. Jared and Anthony were happy to welcome their new neighbors, even if they were crying and keeping them awake most of the night.

So far today, good news, but we still remain leary of what awaits us and our babies. I often think to my self and apologize to both Jared and Anthony (as I hold their little hands) for making them work so hard. I explain to them that we all understand that we are asking them to do so much each and every day but that they are doing so well and to just keep fighting. It will get easier, I hope.

Fight On! Little Fighters!! - Love Momma